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23 comments

  1. August 8, 2013
    Bethany

    Wow. That’s a tough one! I don’t have the answer, but maybe some other readers can help. 🙂

    Reply
    • August 8, 2013
      Tara

      Thank you for commenting, Bethany! It IS a tough one – I feel very unsure. So… I don’t have the answer either!

      Reply
  2. August 8, 2013
    Sarah

    Golly, that’s a tough one. I’m glad Lila relented so you could try the mattress on the floor idea. Is it worth giving that a shot for awhile and then seeing if Lucy ends up wanting go back to her room or Lila ends up liking the idea of the two of them sharing? It would be great if they end up solving the problem for you, though maybe not realistic.
    By the way, I am new to your blog but loving it. This issue hits home to me–not because of the sleeping arrangement issue–but because I have two and the younger one is always wanting the older one’s attention, only to get rebuffed. Over and over and over. As a second child myself, this breaks my heart, but I don’t know how to handle it without infringing on my daughter’s independence.

    Reply
    • August 8, 2013
      Tara

      Sarah – That’s what I’m thinking. Maybe a “nothing ventured, nothing gained” scenario? It’s not like we’re eliminating a room – they could always move back. I hear you on the younger one always seeking the attention of the elder. When we have friends over, this is particularly apparent. Typically, Lucy ends up hanging out with me for half of the play date. She doesn’t seem to mind, but I wish that everyone could just get along together! (Speaking of unrealistic expectations….)

      I’m so glad that you’re enjoying the blog!

      Reply
  3. August 8, 2013
    Shari

    I am excited for the time that our girls get to share a room. I shared a room with my bro when we were really young for a short period. All I remember from it is getting in trouble for still being awake when we should have been sleeping. I think we are planning on transplanting Hayden in Sophie’s room as soon as she is ready for a big girl bed via bunk beds, so I hope it goes over alright. I guess we will see!

    Reply
    • August 8, 2013
      Tara

      I have those memories too, Shari! I remember getting in all sorts of trouble for having the lights on way past bedtime and for reading books together and whispering stories. I’m a bit nervous about bunk beds, as I know that Lila doesn’t want to sleep on the top bunk just yet. But maybe having them side-by-side for a while until she’s ready? I’m going to have to plan this out!

      Reply
  4. August 8, 2013
    Lauren @ The Thinking Closet

    These are important questions you are asking…and as I shared on FB, my sister and I shared a room until I was in middle school. I’m sure we fought and I’m sure there were tears shed over “mine” and “hers,” but overall, my memories are sweet. We share a strong bond to this day, and I can’t help but wonder if it were those early years of playing shadow puppets or swapping Archie comic books from bunk bed to bed that really cemented our best friendship.

    Kids are resilient. That I have learned as a teacher. And I’m sure that while the transition may not be easy at first, they’ll get used to it. They’ll find a groove. And heck, Lila might even grow to really love it. But personally, I think there is no harm in trying it out…but giving it a fair shot (a few months at least). As you said, I think it could teach them a lot about sharing and compromising and sacrifice….

    That’s just my two cents…two cents from a non-Mom who one day will probably be asking these same questions!

    Reply
    • August 8, 2013
      Tara

      You’re so right when you say “kids are resilient”, Lauren. I often forget that. It’s weird, because as a “helicopter mama” (which I fully admit I am, though I do try my best to remedy it when I can), I worry about things that are way beyond the girls’ comprehension.

      Will this damage her sense of independence? Do I have a right to take away her space? Is this respecting her?

      And another part of me says, “She didn’t buy the damn house. She doesn’t get to decide what room she sleeps in!”

      (So tender, I know!)

      It’s going to be a learning curve, but I think we might give it a shot!

      Reply
  5. August 8, 2013
    Amy of while wearing heels

    I never shared a room…but love that Judy Bloom inspired you to put down masking tape in your room to divide your space. Your girls are so adorable. I am sure after a few nights of sleeping together (or even 1 night) little Lucy might move on to something else. Bid your time and enjoy the peace.

    Reply
    • August 11, 2013
      Tara

      I am still nervous about the experiment. I don’t know if we’ll go through with it or not.

      I most definitely want to enjoy the peace. I feel like it’s the holy grail I’m constantly searching for! 🙂

      Reply
  6. August 8, 2013
    Mel

    If I had the space there would be no sharing, if naps are still part of daily routine I would say no way! Then again maybe you’d like an extra room for a bit (craft room?) let it go for a bit and see you’ll know in the end, it won’t hurt them my lot are fine and so am I for the sharing experience but I think Lila might feel she had no say after Lucy got her own way. See how it goes for you whatever you decide, end of the day happy Mumma happy family xo

    Reply
    • August 11, 2013
      Tara

      I was always “I have the space, they don’t need to share” for the longest time. But dealing with Lucy constantly wanting to sleep with someone has worn me down a bit. Maybe I’m looking for the quick fix?

      I’m still undecided on the whole thing. Jeez… who’d have thought this would be such a thinker?

      Reply
  7. August 9, 2013
    Mason

    ” . . . Maybe Lucy is manipulating me, and my overly-emotional heart is caving to her requests. She tells me that she’s afraid of the shadows. She asks me not to leave her room. She begs to sleep in Lila’s room.”
    No, she isn’t manipulating you – she is afraid – so deal with that – night lights, or the light left on, a baby monitor so she can be reassured that you are listening out for her.
    I have the same problem – do I like my boy sleeping in the hallway – no, but it is a simple temporary fix until he matures and develops out of the problem. I would be happy for him to share a room, but that won’t be happening, so for right now we are dealing with it and reassuring ourselves continuously that he won’t be doing this when he is 12!

    Reply
    • August 11, 2013
      Tara

      I tell myself “This, too, shall pass” a LOT! Although it is hard to remember that when you’re dealing with a child who is refusing to go to sleep because she doesn’t want to be alone. I know that she’ll grow out of it… but I don’t want her to feel afraid for the time being.

      The baby monitor idea is a good one! I hadn’t considered that!

      Reply
      • August 11, 2013
        Mason

        Inhale . . . “Love is patient”
        Exhale . . . “Love is kind”

        Reply
  8. August 11, 2013
    Kelly @ A Swell Place to Dwell

    Oh, this is such a tough one. Being a mother of only 1 right now, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to have that dilemma! I grew up without siblings living with me, so I never had a choice, yet I always wanted to share a room with someone. Someone to chat to when I couldn’t sleep or to tell my secrets too. I am not even going to offer advice on this one because I think it’s something that you have to decide within your family. Only you know your kids and how each of your girls is going to react.. I do hope that you are able to find a solution that works for everyone though. Best of luck!

    Reply
    • August 11, 2013
      Tara

      Thank you so much for the moral support, Kelly! I know that this is going to be an interesting road if I do decide to try the room-sharing thing. I wish I could say that I knew how they would react to cohabitation… but I don’t.

      This parenting business…. more and more I’m realizing that I don’t have all of the answers…

      (At least this one won’t scar them TOO badly. I shared a room and I’m a moderately-normal human! 😉 )

      Reply
  9. August 12, 2013
    Shannah @ Just Us Four

    Wow, this is a tough one. I am an only child so I never had to face the sharing the room issue growing up. I can say that, my oldest (almost 6) never needed a nightlight or anything to fall asleep easily until she hit around 3. Then, all these fears appeared that we’d never dealt with before and suddenly we had nightlights and checking the closet for monsters before bed everynight. It sounds like this might be happening with your little one too.
    Good luck! I know this can’t be an easy one to work through for sure.

    Reply
    • August 12, 2013
      Tara

      Thanks for your comment, Shannah! I, too, wonder if this is a bit of a developmental thing for Lucy. It’s interesting how suddenly she became so hyper aware of her surroundings and then fearful of them at the same time. Maybe she’ll grow out of it?

      It’s a tough one, that’s for sure. I’m sure it’s only the beginning of having one child want something, and the other want the complete opposite. I just didn’t realize it would happen this early in life!

      Reply
  10. August 14, 2013
    Bronwyn MayB

    I wish I knew what to suggest. I didn’t share a room, but my sisters did. One of them loved it and one hated it. It’s so sad to hear your little one go through all that. Hope you sort it all out!

    Reply
    • August 15, 2013
      Tara

      This is exactly what I worry about – that one sister may end up hating the situation! It’s quite the emotional tug-of-war. We’re still talking about it!

      Reply
  11. August 15, 2013
    Marilyn

    Tara, could you do hybrid solution? What I mean is they each have their own rooms so they each have their ‘getaway’ place but then they have weekly sleepovers. Say, make it a very special arrangement when they do get together…celebrate sisterhood and being together. So Lila will have a day/night to look forward to each week. Does this make sense?

    Reply
    • August 15, 2013
      Tara

      That’s very good advice, Marilyn. We’re doing a version of that right now – only because we can’t quite pull the trigger on the room-sharing deal right now. Lucy does ask for a sleepover nearly every night, but we space them out to a weekly occurrence. Lila will tolerate it if it’s not too frequently that she “shares” her room.

      Reply

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